I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
