Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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