i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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