i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
