we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
