how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We left the knife in your bed.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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