How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
