it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
