what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
