i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
