That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
