Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
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