But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize
