Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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