how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
