I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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