and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
