he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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