Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I am one with the molecules
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
