and i looked up. we had an audience...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
