Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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