now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
