My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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