I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
