On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
