Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
last night I used snow as a chaser
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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