hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
