You're so nebulous sometimes
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
