As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
