She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
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