last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
