Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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