and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
