Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
