yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
