How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
