I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
