whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
