this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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