I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
