ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
