We won't sleep together?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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