i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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