By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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