I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
