Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize