I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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