They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
