the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize