Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
