I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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