its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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