He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
