why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
