a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
