He is such a slut. More and more my type.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
