I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
All the doctor said was why
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
