You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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