Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
