My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
