my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
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