I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
