when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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