How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
