I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
