I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Are my feet made of real feet?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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