ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
