Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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